Forever with a Guarded Heart?
So what happens when trust is broken?
Well, either we usually see it coming, gradually
slipping out of our grasp as if it were in slow motion. Or it is so abrupt that we don’t fully
comprehend what has happened until the shock wears off afterwards.
The sirens howl and flashing lights blind our
eyes. Adrenaline pumps through our veins and instantly we feel cold, sick, or
numb. Once the realization sets, the gates around our heart go up. Stronger and
thicker this time. The process is
nothing new; we’ve all been there before. Yet we constantly find ourselves in
this same situation: blindsided by the demise of our trust, which in turn is followed
by our natural response for self-preservation – putting our guard up once
more.
Throughout our lives, we trust everyone around us in one way or another. Our parents to raise us. Our teachers to guide us. Our lovers to care for us. Our friends to defend us. Our jobs to provide for us. And ourselves to make the right decisions. Yet time and time again, one of the parties fails to live up to the expectations created and the bond crumbles beneath us.
That bond gets its strength from trust, so once that becomes fractured it is only a matter of time until the entire relationship breaks.
So if we know how easy it is to be disappointed,
get hurt, and have our trust in someone broken, why do we continue to play this
dangerous game?
Because of that precise moment when we allow
ourselves to be vulnerable. It is the moment where hope outshines fear. It is a
marvelous leap of faith where we are shielded by a sense of security and an appealing
future. We ignore the scars from our
past and silently pray that this will be the time it works out – it will be the
real thing.
Fast forward through 24 years of personal
experiences, watching others get knocked off their feet, and listening to
countless horror stories – and what have I learned? I am much wiser.
Usually when we start to feel comfortable and
allow ourselves to expose our souls to another person, the relationship (with a
friend, family, lover, job) takes a nose dive.
Perhaps for a fleeting moment we believed that this could be it, and perhaps for a moment it was. However, life
enjoys testing and strengthening us so we become faced with another challenge:
endure and move forward.
I have seen – as has everyone else I’m sure –
enough betrayal, failure, disappointment, and heartbreak to become a
non-believer of having a fulfilled life. Yet my flame of hope continues to burn
and I know that one day I will not have to carry my heart in a bullet-proof box
or tip-toe around my feelings. There will be no doubts or fears.
There will only
be love.
It is easier to be guarded than be vulnerable.
Extending our heart and trusting someone with our most sacred possession takes
more courage than to be on the defensive. We must know that every betrayal,
failure, disappointment and heartbreak is absolutely necessary in order for us to find our way along our paths. Each experience teaches us what we
want and need out of a job, a friend, or a partner. Let these encounters make us wiser,
not jaded.
So what happens when trust is broken?
We are
given the opportunity to rebuild it or bestow it once more to another person,
perhaps more worthy of the gift.
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