the only way out is up
I wanted to write this on St. Patrick’s Day – one year
after I hit one of my low points –but I didn’t see the need to bring up muddled
emotions and have to clean up the mess again. Then I realized that I am one year wiser and stronger. Long gone are the days of being a victim to the
universe’s challenges and others' aggression and depression. I am in control of
my life, and with that I am in control of how I handle my emotions.
March was a month of constant reflection for me. I found
myself recalling past experiences and considering what I learned from
them. I laughed at the ridiculousness of
some of the situations I got into and briefly felt the familiar dull pain of
some trying moments.
We all have our versions of rock bottom. Sadness cannot
be compared or classified. The empty pain hurts us all the same. Perhaps some
depression is grander and more public than others. Perhaps some people put up a
strong front, but behind their walls they are crumbling apart. Nevertheless, we
cannot belittle others' pain and make them feel weak for succumbing to dark
moments. What we can do, is be the light for one another and help pull each other
out of the darkness and on our feet once more.
The silver lining to falling into the abyss is that the
only way out is up! No matter how bad it gets, how difficult it feels to get
out of bed and how impossible change may seem – time will heal the wounds and
it will only get better.
I spent most of my life being indifferent and not letting
myself truly feel. I coasted through the moments, never experiencing true joy
and refusing to surrender to the sadness. Then I eventually realized that it is
okay to feel - letting yourself is
not a sign of weakness. However, the pendulum drastically swung to the opposite
side and I turned into a big ball of emotions. My mind took me to dark places
and I fell into funks quite frequently.
Thankfully, incredible friends and my faith stood by me
and balanced my soul. It has taken time and is still an ongoing process, but I
appreciate everything so much more now. There is no happiness without sadness.
There is no growth without suffering.
Sometimes we need to rely on the strength of others, have a third party’s
perspective, or simply know that there is someone who will be there to catch you
when you fall. I have been honored and given the opportunity to reciprocate
this kindness to some wonderful people in my life. Sharing your light and the beauty of this
world with others not only heals their pain but also renews your own soul.
As I reflect I cannot help but smile about my life – the past
included. I have grown tremendously and
still have a long way to go. Yet now I can confront my demons, recall painful
memories, and experience hurt without crumbling. I am stronger, wiser and hold
a great place of awareness of this life.
So this year I celebrated my St. Patrick’s with green beer and toasted to surviving, healing and flourishing.
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