Hiatus

Time is a funny thing.  Days feel like minutes or pass in an instant. Dark moments an eternity and laughter longer than expected.

You can get caught up in a moment, unaware of the seconds passing.

That is where I’ve been the past two years - caught up in the moment.

Immersed in a new job where I feel valued and fulfilled, my life follows a school calendar once again. A new job equates to new colleagues and friends, so workdays poured into happy hours and weekend outings. For the first time in a long time, I didn’t alert the instinct to be planning my next move. There was no agenda besides socializing with a new friend group and exploring the Seacoast. It is ever so clear that the intensity of that friendship was necessary in order to keep me in New Hampshire long enough.

Long enough to meet the guy that would keep me by his side forever.

I’ve always known that I would never settle for ordinary. Whether that was in an opportunity, a job, a friendship, or a partner.  I’m meant to do great things and I know I’m meant to share them with someone extraordinary. I know that perfection does not exist but I believe that healthy relationships do.

There is a type of love that reaches beyond your heart, the place where love is cultivated, but to your soul, the place where love is awakened.

I’ve been caught up in love. Falling madly and deeply in love for someone who makes me be the best version of myself.  Someone who challenges me, supports me, and thinks the world of me.  Someone who is gentle and genuine, yet confident and ambitious. He possesses the qualities I had only dreamed of in a partner. There is no doubt, no jealousy, and no fear.

 From the moment I met Blake I didn’t think about our relationship. I did not put it under a microscope and analyze it, or tried to convince myself that it wasn’t flawed. It simply and organically came to life. It was effortless.

Of course, there will be challenges in life. I’m sure I will face tragedy, setbacks, and uncertainty. However, I don’t believe love is meant to be a challenge if it is meant to be. Of course it will require time, effort, and heart – as any relationships does, but it should not require struggle, rationalizing, or defending. 

I’ve devoted my time to a job that I love, my life partner, and friends and family around me.  Although I’ve been present, I’ve also seen that time has passed by far too quickly. My ambition startles me when time pauses for just a moment and I can see my life before me, reminding me of what I want to accomplish. I’m caught up in all wonderful things, but have let my own goals no longer be my guiding light. What I wish to achieve is no longer what directs me and my passions are no longer what defines me.  Am I still a traveler and writer, or now a manager and fiancé? Have I been so immersed in what is that I have forgotten on what could be?

If anything over the past five years, I’ve learned to seek balance.

I love my job, my fiancé, and my family – but what about me? I am happy and fulfilled, but self-love is a ritual, a constant process. This twenty-something’s journey of self-discovery is long from over. I have not found the answer to who I am or feel that I have gained enough wisdom to live out the rest of my days. I will forever need to continue pushing the boundaries of my comfort zone, going deeper into self-reflection, and learning ways to better myself and this world – but not in hopes of finding a solution.

There is nothing to figure out, but something always to discover.

So I signed up for a yoga teacher-training course to discover new depths of my practice and new forms of self-care. I’m welcoming this opportunity with an open mind and no expectations – only with the hope of nurturing a balanced, present, and loving life. 

This journey will be shared to show my evolution, no matter how small or grand it may be, my imperfections, which are many, and my patience with myself. 

Light Heart. Light Spirt. Light Body. Light Mind.